Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize