dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
