I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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