If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
