Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
