u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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