i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
