she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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