he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
