I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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