I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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