If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
