can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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