he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
