so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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