Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
