wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
