well you can't waste a boner
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
