I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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