We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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