he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
