His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
