a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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