you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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