I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize