Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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