i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
