FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
