I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
