Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
