So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
