I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
