And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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