He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize