covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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