Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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