i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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