yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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