I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
