Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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