i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
