I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
