Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
