Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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