You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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