It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
