they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
