dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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