I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Barsexuality is the new black.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
