Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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