it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
