3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found your dick twin last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
