these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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