We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
