How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
