Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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