Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
