Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I looked at my own cervix.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
