My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
