Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i have herpe
just one?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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