she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize