There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
