also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
