can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
