I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
