you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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