tell your sister to shave her snatch
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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