I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
