brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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