and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
