you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
