I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
