umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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